'Motherhood was nothing like we expected'

Four mothers have spoken about their postnatal struggles, including post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), to encourage others to seek help.

Victoria, Rebekah, Nikol and Hayley described their experiences including depression, isolation and the challenges of having a premature baby.

All received support from Hull maternal mental health charity House of Light, which encouraged new parents to have honest conversations about the difficulties they face.

Nicola Welsh, group facilitator with the charity, said: "We hear from new mums that it's not maybe what they thought it was going to be, and that's ok."

"Motherhood and parenthood come with lots of difficulties," she added.

"Just having those real conversations with people is really important."

For chronically-ill Hull mum Victoria Cain, 40, her difficulties started when she experienced a miscarriage the first time she fell pregnant.

She said she had thought about "lovely things" like breastfeeding and buying outfits, but added: "I didn't think about how hard it was going to be."

Victoria developed postnatal depression, which left her struggling with day-to-day life.

She said: "I just constantly felt low. I just didn't want to be around him. I didn't think of anything dangerous. It was just, I just wanted to sleep."

After receiving help, she is now enjoying life with her 20-month-old son.

She said: "If you're struggling, especially mentally, definitely just reach out. Nobody's going to judge you."

Rebekah Beswick, 27, unexpectedly fell pregnant with her son, and had an anxious pregnancy and a traumatic birth during which she needed an emergency C-section.

A few months after taking her son home, she began to struggle, and was diagnosed with PTSD.

She said she was not able to leave the house or be around crying babies, and struggled to bond with her child.

She said: "I was expecting this sort of instant connection, and that made me feel quite guilty for a good few months because I was like, 'Why don't I feel this connection with my child when everyone says you should do?'

After having cognitive behavioural therapy, she began bonding with her son and enjoying motherhood.

She said: "Get the help if you need it. The help is out there. Don't try and battle it on your own, which is what I tried to do. I wish I'd have got help sooner."

The charity PTSD UK said up to 15.7% of people would develop some trauma-related symptoms after childbirth, and four to six per-cent would develop PTSD.

This could be the result of situations such as stillbirth, emergency delivery, cardiac arrest, inadequate pain relief and several other factors, the charity said.

Nikol Biela, 29, is a mum of three, soon to be four, but struggled with isolation after moving to the UK from Poland.

Her struggles began during pregnancy, when she experienced both baby loss and hyperemesis, a severe kind of morning sickness.

She said: "It was really lonely because I was stuck at home, because it's hard to get out when you're being so sick all the time and have no energy to do anything."

She said she found pregnancy and motherhood "lonely" and said she had "no friends" in the city before making connections through House of Light.

Welsh said the charity offered one-to-one support at its centre in Hull, with mothers able to come together for "comfort breaks", allowing them some time for themselves while the charity helped to care for their child or baby.

It also runs mum and baby massages, yoga and a baby loss group, as well as offering support over the phone for those who cannot attend in person.

Hayley Steel, 30, gave birth to her daughter at 30 weeks, which she said "happened very quickly and quite out of the blue".

She struggled with PTSD after her baby spent several months in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU) at Hull Royal Infirmary.

"NICU was never even in my mind when I was visualising or daydreaming what life was going to be with a baby. None of this was ever on the radar. So it was very difficult coming to terms with it."

After receiving therapy for PTSD, Hayley is enjoying life with her daughter, who is now two years old.

"I absolutely love it. It is the best job and I absolutely love being a mum," she added.

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this article, help and advice is available on the BBC's Action Line website.

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