 | | SEE ALSO | | The Morris Telford archive. Read about Morris's previous exploits, and find out how the adventure has unfolded.
Follow Morris's journey
Day One
Day Two
Day Three
Day Four
Day Five
Day Six
Day Seven | | | PRINT THIS PAGE | | | | | FACTS | | Name: Morris Telford
Age: 33
DOB: 18/04/70
Occupation:Unemployed
Hobbies: Enlightenment, Philosophy, Bingo Favourite book – Ordnance Survey Map of Shropshire 1999 edition Favourite foods – Pickled Eggs Favourite film – Late For Dinner
Favourite colour – The delicate cyan of the dinnertime sky in Moreton Say.
Favourite British County – Shropshire
Favourite Place – Moreton Say
Favourite Postal Code Area – TF9
Favourite radio
frequency - 96FM
Favourite sound – The gentle breeze rustling through the leafy glades of Moreton Say
Favourite Clive – Clive of India
Favourite Iron Bridge - Ironbridge
Favourite adhesive note size – 75 x 75mm
Favourite Vegetable – Anything grown in the fertile soils of Shropshire
Favourite band – Men From Earth *(shameless plug)
Biggest inspiration – Marlowe Bidforth | |
| | I slept really well last night, better than I have since I set out from Shropshire to change the world.
I woke up with that feeling that I could tackle absolutely anything that the world could possibly throw at me!
It may be that I have finally found a whole community of people ready to accept everything I have to teach them about doing things the Shropshire way. It may be that after so long travelling, I have reached a place where people appreciate me. It may be that coming here has re-affirmed my self-belief and given me new vigour in my quest to change the world.
Or it may be that I slept so well because of the bed of flower petals and multi-coloured feathers sprinkled with incense and fragrant oils that the monks prepared for me; the constantly replenished supply of freshly-drawn mountain spring water; the exotic selection of peeled fruits within easy reach of my bed; and the gentle playing of the mandolin from the monk perched on my balcony.
Whatever it was, I slept the sleep of the just and I feel fully prepared for the meeting I have with the assembly of Shaolin monks at noon today.
Some of the monks actually avert their eyes when I walk by, I asked about this and it’s a form of reverence and not, as I first presumed, because I am visually offensive to them. The meeting went well yesterday. They gave me an orange ankle-length robe to wear, and at my request they sewed the shape of Shropshire into the back of it in green silk. I hope they let me keep it.
The prophesy of the "frozen stranger" required me to give the monks a task as a test of their obedience and loyalty. I had wanted them all to travel to Shropshire straight away but on reflection, I saw an opportunity for genuine progression of my cause and gave them a task equal to their not inconsiderable abilities.
I asked the monks to build me an exact replica of Moreton Say. Basing the design on my instructions, sketches and a few photos I have left of me, they are going to recreate the splendour of the little Shropshire village I was born in. But this time Moreton Say is not going to rest secure in the heart of Shropshire, this new Moreton Say nestles on the remote mountain slopes of China, a beacon of hope for any travellers in search of a new life.
The monks began work yesterday straight after I spoke to them all and I must say they are very keen. They have already shown me detailed plans for a reasonable facsimile of my house and Sophia’s house and are beginning work on a scale model of the parish church.
A party of twenty monks have been sent down the mountain to find out about getting some tarmac for the main road and the blacksmith monk is working hard on some authentic road signs - it’s all very exciting.
There is even talk of a bio-dome to recreate the climatic conditions of Shropshire and some of the younger boy monks are now being trained daily in speaking English in a fluent Shropshire accent (You too could learn to speak Salop!).
I asked them for a projected finish date this morning and they have just got back to me now as I sit in my room watching the sun set over the snow-capped peaks outside. They estimate that they will have a life-size copy of Moreton Say up and running by the end of August 2008.
It’s a bit longer than I expected but apparently a deadline is a very important thing to a monk and they ensure me that on 31/08/2008 and not a day later, a large chunk of the mountain range will be virtually indistinguishable from Shropshire.
If I’d known I was committing the whole community of monks to five years hard labour I might just have asked for a painting of Moreton Say instead, or a nice tapestry, but what’s done is done and they all seem very happy to have such a big project to work on.
I’ve given them meaning in their lives, and that surely is the greatest gift you can give anyone. The monks refuse to let me help them in anything but a supervisory capacity, which while an important position, makes me feel a bit useless. I like to be actually doing things and as anyone who has ever worked in an office will tell you, from middle management upwards, no one actually does anything.
Managers go to meetings and talk about other people doing things. They make long lists of action points, action plans, action mapping exercises and other things beginning in ‘action’ to try and fool you into thinking something, somewhere must be getting done. In fact they haven’t achieved anything in decades and have only a very cloudy idea of what it is they are supposed to be managing.
I don’t want to be like that, I want to do things.
Perhaps I’m being over-ambitious, but since the monks are doing such a sterling job of recreating the idyllic locale of Moreton Say, I’m wondering if I shouldn’t get them to keep going beyond 2008. Build a replica of the A road to Market Drayton, then a replica of Market Drayton itself, then Longford, Ternhill, Marchamley, then even Telford and on and on until the whole of Shropshire is recreated in the Chinese mountain ranges.
I was thinking this over, but then I saw that a couple of the monks had already collapsed from exhaustion and thought better of mentioning my ideas for further expansion just yet. Today I’m overseeing the beginning of some foundation building work of New Moreton Say.
My team of kung-fu warrior monks are flouting Health and Safety laws and not wearing hardhats on site, but since most of them can break bricks with their foreheads anyway they are probably in less danger of cranial injury than most building site workers.
My mother had some builders round in 1998 to build a new porch for us. I remember there were three of them and they all wore bobble hats and smelled of prunes.
They started work on the Tuesday, tore down the old porch with great enthusiasm and made a little knee-high wall of bricks in a vaguely porch-like outline. Then they went home with their 30 percent deposit and we never saw them again.
I related this anecdote to the monks this morning and before I could stop them, seven trained assassin monks had been dispatched to hunt down the three men and bring them to justice for stealing from the family of the frozen stranger. So if you are reading this and happen to be a builder in the Shropshire area, I’d advise against wearing hats with bobbles on or eating dried fruit.
Given that this is a five-year project I broke the news to them earlier that I’m going to pop out for a few years and come back when it’s finished.
They didn’t take this terribly well. There was a great deal of wailing, beating of brows and tearing of undergarments, but fortunately as the prophetic frozen stranger I wield supreme authority and they were soon making travel arrangements for me.
I’ve left So in charge, and they have my phone number if they need to ring me about anything.The Shaolin monks made an enormous fuss when I left.
I got out of bed at sunrise and it was getting dark by the time all the music, banners, displays of martial arts, singing, plate balancing, novelty acts and heartfelt reading of the prophesy of the frozen stranger had finished.
I promised to return in five years and lead my people to the golden land. I’ve put it in my Palmtop calender so I won’t forget. August 31, 2003 = "Alert- Remember to return to China, inspect New Moreton Say and lead Shaolin Monks to the golden land."
I asked them not to follow me but as I sit in my sleeping bag here on the mountainside I can see flashes of orange robe all over the shop. I woke up this morning and found myself being carried along on a sort of stretcher by a team of eight monks.
Considering my every word is supposed to be obeyed, I asked them why they disobeyed me and followed me, they quite rightly pointed out that they were not following me, they were carrying me, so I sat back and enjoyed the ride.
I’m sitting back now, bobbing along the road to Shanghai, it’s very nice. An old woman was sitting by the side of the road so I got the monks to lower me to the ground. She seemed upset and I enquired why.
Apparently she is a big Doris Day fan and the only source of Doris Day DVDs in the whole of China has suddenly dried up. I felt responsible so I asked the monks to give her a lift home and she cheered up quite a bit. As they raised her onto their shoulders she was warmly grinning and clutching a copy of "Throw Momma from the Train".
It’s not far to Shanghai now so I’m walking the rest of the way . I notice that Sir Funkalot has left a message for me on the BBC boards suggesting I visit Japan.
Since China is well under way to becoming the next Shropshire, it seems like a capital idea to try my hand at the land of the rising sun, so I’ve booked a flight to Japan.
At the travel agents I met two American men, Vince and Drew. Vince looks like a young Jon Pertwee, but with twice the nose, and Drew bears a quite startling resemblance to David Blaine, only without the glass box surrounding him.
Drew and Vince got talking to me about my one man journey of enlightenment. I told them about the monks I’ve been staying with and they seemed sceptical, but nonetheless we went to have a coffee together at an Internet Café in Shanghai.
They work in the "IT business". I explained to them that I have extensive experience in lower level consumable procurement myself and we had an ever so nice chat about recent innovations in laser printer technology and toner quality.
Vince and Drew were very helpful yesterday. They gave me all sorts of tips on how to raise my profile. They applauded me (literally, they stood up and both clapped with genuine glee in quite a camp fashion) for getting my daily journals on the BBC Shropshire website, but they encouraged me to branch out into merchandising.
I’m not so sure myself. I noticed as they left me today that Vince was wearing a watch on both wrists, I don’t know why but this troubled me . Vince and Drew were very helpful yesterday and today they went to the trouble of setting up an online store for me.
I sat with them in the Internet café and helped with some of the designs. I’m very happy with the "I LOVE SHROPSHIRE" lunchbox (my idea), but I have a few reservations about the "VISIT MORETON SAY" boxer shorts (Drew’s idea).
My plane leaves for Japan tonight. |
