Don't shoot, Wayne!

Where's he from, Wales? Most of the Welsh people seem to support Liverpool, but I don't know why.

Wrexham, Cardiff, Swansea...oh, that's why.

Well I think it's amazing that some little Scouse lad has grown up in the middle of the Merseyside conurbation and has not been snapped up by Liverpool.

I know for a fact that Fowler and McManaman and Owen all supported Everton when they were growing up - and they crossed Stanley Park at the drop of a hat.

So I think it's marvellous that they've managed to hang on to this lad, although I don't for a minute think he's 16.

He's actually 42 and he's Desperate Dan's little brother - that's what he looks like to me.

I hope he goes all the way. He's lucky to have Moyes as a manager because I don't think Walter Smith will have known quite what to do with him.

Mind you, one thing that made me laugh was that Moyes has apparently been telling Rooney not to shoot so much in practice!

What the bloody hell's he say that for?! The lad takes the back of the net off and he's told "Don't do that too much son".

That's typical British management that! And so typical of British people.

You know the sort of thing.... "I don't trust that Hoddle with the ball at his feet - he can pass it 70 yards and it reaches the person it was meant for.

Sorry Glenn, you're just too good

"Don't do that during the game, son - get behind the ball with the rest of us".

Anyway, he's a marvellous lad and I hope he goes all the way. I hope he has a shave soon 'n all.

It's a bit of bum fluff - maybe he can get the cat to lick it off.

Well he's certainly got the cream at the moment.

Who have they got Saturday, West Ham isn't it?

Yes, they should beat them - although the Hammers are perking up a bit at the moment.

Well I'm glad they beat Fulham.

Oh yes, you don't like your sitting tenants at all do you?

Er, not over-keen.

Are they messing up your pitch when you're not there?

Even worse - there's been Fulham fans e-mailing in to websites saying "I'm not keen on leaving my car in that area" and "Why is the stadium not painted black and white now?" - that sort of thing.

That's what gets my goat, Robbo.

It's a bit dodgy around Loftus Road

I'm not surprised. Mind you, it is a bit rough around Loftus Road. Never mind your car - you wouldn't leave your bike there!

Well it's not as pleasant as Middlesbrough, that's for sure!

Exactly.

Moving on. This e-mail actually does come from Liverpool, but it's not about Liverpool.

It's from Lise, who says: Two defeats in three days - is this the decline of Arsenal?

I see Thierry Henry has already come out with the excuse that they're tired - poor lambs! By the way, are the wheels coming off the Boro bandwagon too?

We've only lost one game! Charlton away - and we only lost that because Charlton are having a bit of a rough trot.

Everybody loves Charlton, don't they? They're a cheerful south-east London kind of Cockney bunch with the lovely Alan Curbishley in charge - so we thought we'd give them a win.

Besides, we always do a bit rubbish when McClaren's come back from England duty.

His head's full of thing's like how on earth can we draw 2-2 with Macedonia, which I don't want to get into again.

But we're fine, the wheels haven't come off, man!

And Arsenal are fine as well. They were beaten by a wonder goal from a freakish child and then a wonder goal and a freakish goal by a damn good side from France.

I'm not surprised they're knackered either, Henry's been playing loads of games.

Well I suppose they've had a few injuries, but I find it difficult to have too much sympathy for a club whose reserves would get into most clubs' first teams.

Most of their reserves would actually get into the French national team wouldn't they?

Owen predicts how many goals Liverpool will score

You're probably right.

But they'll be fine. I'd still tip them to take the league title. I'd rather have them than your lot, Liverpool lass Lise!

I can't bear the thought that they're top of the table. It's like Liverpool and Arsenal have switched personalities - it'll be '1-0 to the Liverpool' soon. What a boring side.

Nice hat-trick for the boy Owen in the week though.

Well one was from about two yards and one from a crappy header that kind of sneaked in. But it's good to see him back - he is the goal poacher extraordinaire.

He is indeed. And just before we leave this subject, dare I say a good win for Newcastle against Juventus?

Well it was a bit spawny - the goalkeeper had to throw it into his own net! Mind you, if Rio Ferdinand had put the cross in, it would have been credited to him!

You're not wrong. Moving on now to Andrew in the UK, who says: Still confident about the Ashes....

Oh, shut up man!

.... after that opening tour defeat by the Hare and Hounds second XI or whatever they were called?

That's generous!

You're well wide of the mark there, Steve

At least three of them were old enough to be Steve Harmison's father!

I tell you what, son - I feel old enough to be Steve Harmison's grandfather after watching him bowl. Eight wides in an over wasn't it?

That's right - a 14-ball over.

I mean that's just impossible isn't it? Even if his arms have got stiff on the flight over. I mean it's not like there's one stump to aim for - there's three!

I don't know why he's there if he can't land it on the track - it's a bloody disgrace!

Now in the next match we've got Caddick as top scorer - Caddick!

I was really confident - I'm not now! It was all bluster - it was completely bang out of order even to suggest we might live with the Aussies.

And then Steve Waugh getting a hundred the other day - it's all gone horrible. And the players who might turn a game for us aren't even fit.

We're going to get panned. Mind you, I said that before the Ryder Cup, so let's hope it's another bit of reverse psychology.

I hope so, but it has all gone a bit pear-shaped, Robbo. And the last person you need coming back to form is Steve Waugh.

I know. He's not so much a thorn in our side as a bloody great sabre.

Finally, football again and we have this from Poko in Eire:

Time for McCarthy to leave! Please make him leave! He is possibly the worst manager!

Is Keane the answer for Ireland?

You can criticise Keane all you like but he is the driving force behind Man Utd and Ireland and without him neither is worth anything!

Sack McCarthy and bring back Keane and roll on the happy days!

How quickly they forget, eh Chris? What a terrible man you are, Poko. No wonder you've left a made-up name for yourself.

I do agree with Poko (I presume he has a bunch of animated friends living with him) in the fact that McCarthy should go, because there's too much ingratitude being shown towards him.

He might as well go now - and then in a few months it'll be "Ah, do you remember when McCarthy was manager - it was all fantastic then".

I think there's a lot of people in Ireland who've been waiting for McCarthy to trip up quite frankly.

I think a lot of people were hoping he'd screw up during the World Cup, but he didn't.

Now he has, they can't wait to kick him out. I say get yourself a decent job with a nice club side - middle of the table, First Division. Have a bit of a rest.

It looked like the Sunderland job was nailed on for him until Sergeant Wilko came on board, didn't it?

Yes, I was quite surprised he didn't get that. Not as surprised as I was that Wilkinson ended up doing it mind.

I'd wake up in the middle of the night and say hang on a minute, Wilkinson - manager of Sunderland?

He got off to a good start last week, didn't he?

Well yes. Once again their forward line has all the punch and fizz of a cotton bud.

You don't sound too disappointed, Robbo.

Well no, it's delightful. They're definitely going down - unless the West Midlands trio continue to perform as they are.

Yes, your tip's looking good.

Boro are putting the wheels back on

Ai. Arsenal to win the league, West Midlands trio to go down.

OK, well that's about all for today. Enjoy your weekend - and whoever Boro are playing, good luck.

Ah we'll coast it. What we've been doing this week is putting the wheels back on the wagon, as that lass will find out come Saturday.

There you are Lise, there's your answer. Speak to you next week, Robbo.

Ta-ta, son.