Unhealthy relationships

An unhealthy relationship lacks respect, trust and support, often making one or both individuals feel anxious, insecure or controlled.

These relationships can exist in romantic partnerships, friendships or family dynamics and may negatively impact emotional, mental and even physical wellbeing.

Lack of respect

• One person dismisses or belittles the other’s opinions, feelings or boundaries
• Insults, name-calling or mocking behaviour are common
• Personal space and privacy are not respected

Dishonesty and lack of trust

• Lying, keeping secrets or manipulating the truth damages trust
• One person constantly doubts the other, leading to jealousy and accusations
• Trust is not given, even when there is no reason for suspicion

Poor communication

• Conversations turn into shouting matches, silent treatment or passive-aggressive behaviour
• One person dominates discussions while the other feels unheard
• Problems are ignored or avoided instead of resolved in a healthy way

Controlling behaviour

• One person tries to control the other’s actions, choices or friendships
• There are excessive demands on time and attention
• The controlling person may try to isolate their partner or friend from others

Lack of support and encouragement

• Instead of celebrating successes, one person discourages the other’s growth
• Achievements and efforts are downplayed or ridiculed
• The relationship feels more like a competition rather than a partnership

Unhealthy levels of dependence

• One person feels like they cannot function without the other
• There is extreme clinginess or a fear of being alone
• Emotional needs are not met, leading to resentment or burnout

Unequal power and control

• One person makes all the decisions, disregarding the other’s opinions or needs
• The relationship feels one-sided, where one gives while the other only takes
• Threats, guilt-tripping or coercion are used to control behaviour

Frequent conflict without resolution

• Arguments happen often, but nothing is done to fix the issues
• Conflicts escalate into aggression, blame or emotional outbursts
• Apologies are insincere and the same issues keep repeating

Fear and anxiety

• One or both people feel anxious or afraid to express themselves
• There is a fear of upsetting the other person, leading to self-censorship
• The relationship feels stressful rather than enjoyable

Emotional or physical abuse

• One person may use verbal, emotional or physical harm to maintain control
• Gaslighting (making the other person doubt their reality) may occur
• Any form of physical violence, threats or intimidation is a clear sign of an abusive relationship

An unhealthy relationship often leads to emotional distress, low self-esteem and a sense of being trapped.

Recognising these warning signs early can help individuals take action — whether that means seeking help, setting boundaries or leaving the relationship entirely.

What are some of the effects of an unhealthy relationship?

Unhealthy relationships can take a toll on mental health and emotional stability.

Some common emotional effects include:

Low self-esteem and self-doubt

• Constant criticism, gaslighting or emotional manipulation can make individuals doubt their worth
• Over time they may feel unworthy of love and respect

Anxiety and stress

• Being in an unpredictable or toxic relationship can cause ongoing stress
• Constant arguments, fear of upsetting the other person or feeling trapped can contribute to high anxiety levels

Depression and emotional isolation

• Unhealthy relationships often lead to feelings of loneliness, even when the person is not physically alone
• Emotional neglect or verbal abuse can contribute to depression, feelings of hopelessness or withdrawal from others

Fear and insecurity

• Feeling constantly on edge or afraid to express thoughts and emotions is a sign of emotional harm
• In extreme cases, individuals may feel trapped and unable to leave due to fear of consequences

The stress and emotional pain from an unhealthy relationship can also lead to physical health issues, such as:

Sleep problems

• Anxiety and stress may cause insomnia, nightmares or difficulty falling asleep
• Lack of rest can lead to exhaustion, difficulty concentrating and irritability

Headaches and body aches

• Chronic stress can cause tension headaches, muscle pain or digestive issues
• The body reacts physically to emotional distress

Weakened immune system

• Long-term stress can lower immune function, making individuals more prone to illnesses
• Increased stress hormones, such as cortisol, can negatively impact overall health

Unhealthy coping mechanisms

• Some individuals in toxic relationships turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as overeating, substance abuse or self-harm, to deal with their emotions
• These behaviours can further harm physical and mental health

How do you recognize and escape unhealthy relationships?

It is important to recognise the signs of an unhealthy relationship and seek support.

These signs include:

• constant criticism or manipulation
• feeling controlled, isolated or afraid
• emotional or physical abuse
• a lack of mutual respect and support

Seeking help from trusted friends, family members, school counsellors or support organisations can help individuals regain control and work toward healthier relationships.

Stress, low self-esteem, anxiety and even physical symptoms like headaches or sleep problems are common effects.

Recognising the signs and seeking support can help individuals break free and rebuild their confidence and health.

Information and support

If you, or someone you know, have been affected by any of these issues, the following organisations may be able to help.

Types of support available

When someone is in an unhealthy relationship, whether it's romantic, friendship or family, they may feel trapped, isolated or unsure of what to do next.

Fortunately, there are different types of support available to help them recognise the situation, protect their wellbeing and make informed choices.

Emotional support

Having a trusted person to talk to can help individuals process their emotions and gain confidence in seeking help.

Friends and family

• Talking to someone they trust can provide comfort, validation and reassurance
• Supportive loved ones can offer guidance and encouragement to leave the unhealthy relationship

School counsellors and teachers

• Many schools have counsellors trained to help students with relationship struggles
• Teachers or staff members can provide a safe space to discuss concerns

Support Groups

• Some communities have peer support groups where individuals can share experiences and advice
• Online support groups also exist for those who may not have access to in-person help

Professional support

If someone needs guidance beyond friends and family, professional support can help them take steps toward a healthier future.

Therapy and counselling

• Therapists and counsellors can help individuals recognise unhealthy patterns and build self-confidence
• They can also provide coping strategies to handle emotional distress

Helplines and online chat services

• Many organisations offer confidential helplines where people can talk about their situation and receive guidance
• Some also provide text or chat services for those who feel uncomfortable speaking on the phone

Social workers

• Social workers in schools, hospitals or community centres can connect individuals with resources such as emergency housing or legal support

Practical and legal support

For those in situations involving abuse or control, practical assistance can help them safely remove themselves from the relationship.

Domestic violence shelters and crisis centres

• If someone is in an unsafe living situation, shelters provide temporary housing and safety
• These centres also offer emotional and legal support

Legal aid and protection services

• If an unhealthy relationship involves harassment, stalking or abuse, legal aid can help with restraining orders or reporting abuse
• Some organisations offer free legal guidance to help individuals understand their rights

Workplace or school policies

• Many workplaces and schools have policies against harassment and discrimination
• Reporting unacceptable behaviour to HR or a teacher in school can help address the situation

Self-help and empowerment resources

Individuals in unhealthy relationships may also find support through personal growth and empowerment resources.

Books, podcasts, and online resources

• Educational materials can help people recognise unhealthy patterns and build self-esteem
• Websites with relationship advice, self-care strategies and exit plans can be valuable

Self-care activities

• Engaging in hobbies, exercise, meditation or journaling can help individuals regain confidence and emotional balance
• Surrounding themselves with positive influences can make it easier to move on from toxic relationships

Support for those in unhealthy relationships comes in many forms, reaching out to trusted friends, counsellors or helplines can be the first step toward making positive changes.

Recognising that help is available can empower individuals to take control of their wellbeing and move towards healthier relationships.

List of specific support services:

• friends
• family
• police
• organisations eg Relate NI, Women’s Aid
• counsellors
• doctors
• BBC Information and Support for young people