And he signs off as Angry from Leatherhead.

Well to start with you can't call yourself Angry from Leatherhead and Ted Smith. The point is supposed to be that you're an anonymous, fuming character.

It's like me saying Furious of Boro and then signing off as Derek 'Robbo' Robson.

Anyway, I'm sure the red-faced man walking around the streets of Leatherhead is you!

I do agree with you mind, Ted. I think it's a disgrace. I've seen the new plans and it's not the same - I used to love them old towers.

When we got to Wembley a couple of seasons in a row I had a marvellous time walking up Wembley way and seeing them dreamy spires peeping out of the smog in north-west London.

I don't know what this new design is all about. It looks like the ends of scaffolding kind of going into a big arch.

I mean what does it represent? I figure it symbolises a graph of England performances from Taylor through to Keegan, with Terry at the top of the arch somewhere.

I think you're asking for trouble, though. You're going to have bloody Australians dangling bungee ropes off it sooner or later.

Wembley will be used as a bungee jumping platform

I think they could have reconstructed the towers, like Ted says, and pay people to go up 'em. You'd get a nice view across London.

What I can't understand is that if they can move London Bridge brick by brick to America, why can't they take down two towers and rebuild them?

Exactly. And if they really must have that big futuristic arch at the front, then stick the towers round the back. I'm with you, Ted.

I'm with you, Ted. And you, Robbo!

We're all together, trouble is nobody bloody listens to us do they?

Well maybe someone will be reading or listening to this and it might just prick their conscience.

Yeah, maybe Richard Branson'll buy them. That's all we need, then they'd be the Virgin Twin Towers.

Next up is Paul Reaney from the UK.

He used to play right-back for Leeds didn't he?

That's right - in the 70s. Anyway, Paul Reaney says: Middlesbrough's level of success can be measured by the level of ridicule they receive.

Looks like we are starting to put a decent team together. Keep on with the jibes. We have learned to love it.

Boro are up with the big boys

And as I said, there's tons of Boro fans who have written in - some of them having a go at you, not realising you're a fan.

Oh for goodness sake, man! That's the trouble with people in Middlesbrough - they just assume people are being sarcastic!

You go: "It's a nice day" and they say: "Yeah, course it is, the sun's out, there's not a cloud in the sky - yeah, lovely day."

Now listen to this, Boro fans, I BELIEVE IT - there was no sarcasm intended whatsoever!!!

I mean look at us, we're fantastic. And our second team thumped Brentford in the week. We're so classy now we don't even have to put out our first team in the Worthy Cup!

That's how good we are. We're one of them now.

But can you honestly, realistically see Boro stopping up there until the end of the season?

Well, when it comes to Boro, realistically is not a word that really computes. Obviously I just see it happening.

I don't look down the fixture list and think 'this can't last'. I just think 'we'll stay here now'.

Boro fans, what are they like? They could start an argument in an empty room.

OK, next up is DJ from the UK and he or she says: I see Don Johnson is playing in the pro-celebrity Dunhill Cup tournament. Which celebs would you like to see play in it, Robbo?

Well I like the old pro-celebrity golf they used to have on the telly at Gleneagles with Tarby and Wogan and the terrible tam'o'shanters.

Brucie was a regular on the old pro-cebrity events

I dunno who you could have now. Osama Bin Laden, I suppose. He'd be in the bunker for quite a long time I'd imagine though.

Then there's John Major, but he'd keep veering off the course for a bit of rough.

Phil Mickelson - he's a celebrity more than a golfer now isn't he?

True. He never wins anything, does he?

But it's a hard question that. When you think pro-celebrity golf you just think of that marvellous programme with Lee Trevino and Seve and representatives from showbusiness.

Ronnie Corbett.

Ronnie Corbett! Of course! The first man to use one of them long putters. Well, it was normal size - but it looked huge on him!

Then there was Brucie of course - and Tarby's actually playing in this one.

"Hoh-ho." That's my impression of Tarby. Winner Takes All, do you remember that?

I do.

Awful wasn't it?

It was. I'm showing my age here, Robbo.

You are. The more I talk to you, the more I think you're as old as I am.

Fetch me my speedboat

Er, steady on Robbo - I'm not that old! Back to the golf, though and I see Don Johnson was cutting a dash on the greens at the Dunhill Cup.

Was he? I bet he goes from tee to green in a speedboat.

Now on to motorcycling and David from England says: Let's stop pretending Formula One is a sport and watch a real sport.

Colin Edwards and Troy Bayliss racing the socks of each other at Imola showed what motorsport is all about.

Right. I didn't see that. Colin Edwards and who?

Troy Bayliss.

Ah right, he's the one that wins it every year isn't he?

Well usually, yes, but Edwards has just won this year's World Superbikes Championship. He won both his races last weekend to nick it ahead of Bayliss.

Well I'm probably a bit anti-motorbikes because the only ones I know are the ones driven up and down our road by gormless teenagers who put holes in the exhaust to make them as noisy as bloody possible.

But when I have watched the bikes on telly at least they overtake each other now and again.

Yawn.....

And it looks bloody dangerous - if you come off one of them you know you really are going to get knacked.

So maybe I'll give it a go, David from England.

And what about the Schumacher dead-heat attempt?

Well I've said before, they should have a Formula 1 Ferrari tournament and then one for everybody else.

I just wish they'd go and get lost. It's a bit like Man U - they were in the wilderness for years and years and suddenly they start taking the mickey.

It's the colour red, Robbo.

Yeah, that's it... er, mind you, there's nowt wrong with it really.

Aha, nearly got you there! Now finally we have this from Jeremy Suhr, in the USA.

Remember we had the conversation last week and someone said "How do you like them apples?"

I do yeah - 'Tim Montgomery - there's a famous Tim in sport after all, Robbo - how do you like them apples?'

Well remembered! Anyway, Jeremy says: 'How d'ya like them apples' is a very common expression - apparently only here in the United States though.

It is used by Matt Damon in the film Good Will Hunting and is basically used to demonstrate superiority of some kind, particularly after having proven someone wrong or having showed them up.

It was Granny Smith who started it

Well I tell you what Jeremy, thanks for that. It's really nice having our American cousins telling us how to speak the Queen's English. (I use the word queen advisedly there.)

I won't be using that phrase though. It's all very well saying what it means, but why does it mean that?!

Why don't we say how'd you like them onions or prunes? Of course here in Boro we'd just say 'So there, smart-arse', which means the same thing, but it's less obscure.

Like shut the f*** up.

But seriously, does anyone know if there was some legendary incident between warring American orchard owners or something?

Did Granny Smith say to Mr Braeburn: "Here's my harvest. How do you like them apples" - knowing full well they were better than his?

That's probably exactly where it came from.

If it is, don't write in.

No. Well maybe next week I'll explain to the Americans where the phrase 'Gordon Bennett' came from.

Do you know that?

I do actually!

Well save it up for next week and I'll come up with me own theory.

All right Robbo - well have a great weekend and I hope the Boro continue to bask in the glory of third place.

No worries. Speak to you next week.

See you then.

Ta-ta son.