Oh, hi.
Who am I?
I’m One, Two, Three, Four,
Five, Six, Seven, Eight,
Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve…
Thirteen!
Whoa! Woo!

BOTH: Wow!
BOTH: Huh!

Oh, my three fell off! Ha-ha!
Never mind.
I am Thirteen!
Oh, whoa…
Phew!
Huh!

THEY LAUGH

Ooh! Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Unlucky!
Try again.
I am Thirteen…

CLUCKING

Ooh!
Hey!
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

CLUCKING
BOTH: Oh!

Ooh-ooh!
…and I think I might be
a little bit…
unlucky.

This is me, ten and three,
Expecting to run out of luck…

Sorry!

It’s all jolly japes,
When I get into scrapes.
I’m always coming unstuck…
Oh!

I’m the clumsiest number
You’ve ever seen
Unlucky number thirteen…

Oh!
It’s happened again,
A three and a ten,
the name of the game.
It’s happened before.
A total disaster
But he’s going to need more than
a sticking plaster…

Oh…
It’s always the same,
We know what to blame.
Somebody should tell him not to mention…
His name!

It’s getting routine,
I say I’m Thirteen.
Keep it together, this is absurd!
You know what I mean.

I say it’s Thirteen,
End of my tether!
Don’t say that word!
It’s always the same.

It’s getting routine,
They ask me my name.
I say I’m Thir…
Thirsty. I say I’m thirsty.
Gulp, gulp, gulp… Ah.

They ask me my number,
You know what I mean,
And I always say it’s Thir…
Thursday! I always say it’s Thursday!
Only joking, it’s Thirteen!

Whee! Woo-hoo!
This is me, ten and three,
Turning this into a game.
I’m changing my luck,
I won’t come unstuck.

As long as they don’t say my name.
Call me one and a twelve,
Or ten and three.
Whatever you call me,
I’m still me!
I’m the happiest number
You’ve ever seen.
So lucky…
To be unlucky…
Number thirteen…

THUD!
Thirteen
Thirteen
Thirteen
Thirteen
Thirteen
Thirteen!
Unlucky me!
Ha-ha-ha!
(APPLAUSE)